Kismet Quest - The Blog

by a little star girl

I have so much to say and this will become a bit jumbled.

actually for longer than you’ve known me.

Too much pain.

Too much betrayal I've never really acknowledged, coped with, or let go of...

I am safe.

It's a basic sentence it is hard to comprehend. I spent many years pressuring myself to conform to the standards that are hard for me to maintain. I try and try to meet expectations of society enough myself and it's taking me a long time to realize I don't fit that mold.

Tonight was a bit surreal.

Or maybe I should say today....

My relationship with my brother has never been typical. I didn’t even know I had an older brother until I was 5 years old.

It's been strange trying to process everything I’ve been through in the past year. I still need to finish writing my MFA thesis, but because of everything I’ve encountered severe writer's block. That’s why I am here.

• I was disowned by my father’s family when I was 12 because his brothers wanted the inheritance my brother, father, and I were supposed to receive after my grandmother passed away.

To my knowledge, the rest of the family never understood this happened. But they also never asked or took the time to realize.

It took me a little while to patch myself up to even try to start dating.

One of the first people I dated when reentering that section of adulthood ended up being someone I knew from high school. Oy. (I’m going to completely bypass all the weirdness bundled up in that one statement right there and move on to the topic at hand.)

I have so many intentions. I had so many dreams and so many aspirations; life had it’s own path for me to follow.