When I went live with my blog, I had a friend reach out to me pretty quickly. She was a bit shocked by some of the things I wrote about and put out in public.
“Wow you have been through a lot...and I sorta knew you've been through lots more already. You know, you’re the second female friend this month I’ve learned about having something akin to seriosus problems with being sorta manipulated by men... It’s sorta weird, cause I met both of you in college, and honestly, you both seemed so strong, and mature, and really helped me out and helped me figure so much shit out. You both seemed so strong and smart. I never would have thought that would happen to people like you. I dunno, guess I’m just happy you got through it, and I sorta feel bad I didn't see it so i could help especially when you guys helped me so much.”
“It's part of what made me the person you met. It's in the past. Don't feel bad.”
I’ve lived far too long hiding the painful things away. I’ve had partners of the past use my darker patches and injuries (mental and physical) and weapons against me. I’ve watched so many suffer with their own internal and external battles and never knew how to help. I never really know when or how to open up about my past to help other because in those moments I don’t want to make it about me... I want to help.
Well, this is me making this about me.
Writing and being open is one of the most cathartic things I’ve ever done.
I never want to have another partner or companion hold any piece of my past over me or use them as weapons. So I am taking that power away and becoming my own advocate. I will stand up and speak my truth. No one else will. And in doing so, I hope to shine a star’s worth of light on many issues: health, wellness, body image, fitness, hidden illness, mental heath, abusive relationships, gaps in the legal system, self-care, art, life, etc., etc., etc.
I’m here to tell my story, but I’m also here to listen and to help however I can.
In becoming an advocate for myself I am becoming an advocate for others.
I will be a voice when there feels like there is no one else.