Bullet points on my past

• I was disowned by my father’s family when I was 12 because his brothers wanted the inheritance my brother, father, and I were supposed to receive after my grandmother passed away.

To my knowledge, the rest of the family never understood this happened. But they also never asked or took the time to realize.

• I was 18 when my mother had her horse riding accident. She was rushed to a hospital farther away from where we lived. She had 1/4 of two lobes of her brain removed. No one stayed around to help me when I had to live alone, work three jobs, and try to take care of the house, property, pets, and myself. That was a wake up call. I don't know why people didn't help me... I blame myself. I guess I wasn't a priority or worth helping.

• At 19, I was engaged to someone to who started using hard drugs and began sexually and emotionally abusing me. After I broke things off and completely left him he spent two years stalking me. It ended when he sent a virus to my school email address and it somehow released onto one of the school servers. The school forced the police to help me. They -school and police- had ignored my previous reports of stalking. That was a tough lessons to learn about how the police work and what priority mountains of money can give a person or organization.

• In 2013, I was hospitalized and dying. I posted, at the time, to social media about it. People didn't notice or couldn't tell how severe the problem was... I was in the hospital for a week. My parents had to come out to GA and help me through it all. Five others came by to check in on me. One of which was my significant other and he only visited me three times and never stayed overnight. He never reported my hospitalization to his place of employment. Other people who explicitly knew I was in the hospital, because I called or texted directly, never showed up.

Maybe I should be more grateful that people did show up… but it’s terribly difficult when I am still under the medical debt (because I didn’t have health insurance at the time) and I see how strong the social media community can leap to help people. I disappeared into digital ether.

These moment in my life are traumatic bullet-points. I’ve only recently began digging into the impact of it all. For the first time I am beginning to cope with the sense of betrayal, loss, abandonment, abuse, PTSD, etc.

I am rough around the edges. This shows a preface as to why.
I cannot change my past. But I can learn and evolve into a happier and healthier person anyways.

~*~

7.22.2017