Learning of your impact...

Tonight was a bit surreal.

Or maybe I should say today....

Less than 24hours ago I was contact by a dear friend from high school. She had realized I was back in H.Q. and she was coming back into town for a different friend's wedding.

She wanted to see me and catch up over dinner to which I was thrilled.

When I arrived at the house she was staying at I was quickly ushered inside and found out I was also invited to the wedding and then I was basically part of the family.

::Pause::

I felt like an outcast in high school. I delved so far into the arts, I didn't know I had any kind of influence on people's lives. I also had no idea I left a positive impact on people until recently.

I was standing in the house owned by people I had never met before greeted by smiling faces and hugs. In walks someone I had not seen in 13 years and she was so happy and so excited to see me that she started to cry. She insisted that I come to her wedding and she was so beside herself that I was there. She told me about how she follows my adventures around the world and she loves that I am such a huge nerd. She started to make me cry because I had no idea and it meant a lot to know that I have that kind impact on someone and could help just by being present.

I was made to feel like an outcast in Atlanta for various reasons; some of my own doing, most not. But it's nice to know through people I thought were strangers that I am not an outcast I just haven't found the right tribe.

::Play::
Dinner was had, but not as originally planned. I quickly began to help my friend pick up the slack of the Maid-Of-Honor and help the Bride, Groom, and family get everything finished and prepped for the big day. Along the way, I was able to catch up far more with my friend than if I had only gone to dinner with her.

At one point I admitted to her "I was an extremely happy person in high school. High school sucked, but I was still over all a happy person. I would be hard pressed to say that now...."

She looked at me and shook grilling tongs at me saying "Wait... really?"

"No, I've been through far too much... it's hard to say that I'm completely happy."

"Well, I don't know what you're doing, because your light shines through so brightly... I never really realized. I mean, I know it's been harsh and crazy... and I really didn't know how to reach out to help.

I WANTED to help.

Because you meant so much to me in high school. Your light was so bright back then. I couldn't help but be better for being around you, and your parents, and Krystal. You were one of the few people in high school who were genuinely nice to me and who I knew cared. I don't know where I would be if I hadn't known you back then."

I was floored.

Tears welled and didn't know how to respond.

The biggest thing depression has taken from me is my ability to truly hear, comprehend, and understand when people say things like this to me. My anxiety keeps me in a mental state of never being enough which in turns feeds the beast of depression to where it tells me everyone doesn't mean what they say.

Lately I feel like I beginning to hear these things for the very first time.

And in turn, I feel much better about working as hard as I do and having faith it will all come together.

~*~

7.23.2017