One Year Ago

One year ago, my kitten was still alive.

One year ago, I saw you hurt her, maliciously and callously because she was simply being a kitten.

One year ago, I watched you - shocked into silent stillness - as you pushed her so hard into the hardwood floor of my home she screeched out and thrashed in pain.

One year ago, I was still ignoring all the signs that you are an abusive person.

One year ago, I did everything I could to create a private celebration for your birthday. Though you moved the date around. Tough you moved the time around. Though you were a couple hours late anyways. Though you fell asleep for the final hour and a half you had scheduled to spend with me.

A year ago, I let it all slide.

But not tomorrow. A year ago tomorrow marks when all hell broke lose in me and I stood up for myself. A year ago tomorrow is when your behavior caught up to you in the smallest of ways. A year ago tomorrow might be when my nervous breakdown happened, but a year ago tomorrow is also when I reclaimed myself from you and the toxic community you surround yourself with.

One year ago, I was still trying to make things work. I was still trying to cope with the fact you blatantly and openly cheated, repeatedly. One year ago, I was trying to understand why everyone was saying it was my fault and that I should leave it all alone.

I know so much now.

And more than anything, I know that one year ago no one in that group truly had my best interests at heart. Especially you.

One year tomorrow, I painfully and violently freed myself from you and the abuse you live within on a daily basis. I tore myself away from a group that has been more than happy to drag my name through the mud and a group that “didn’t take sides” but only listened to one person’s story.

One year ago tomorrow I fought against the idea that I was crazy for feeling the way I felt: that I had been mistreated and taken advantage of emotionally and psychologically.

One year ago tomorrow I yanked myself away from the insanity of dangerous people. I ripped myself completely asunder in the hurricane turned tsunami-tornado. But what shattered me wholly before then was you saying to me:
“She’s better than you.”

That one line still haunts me.

One year ago you made all the promises in the world about emotions I don’t think you truly know or understand and the very next day you displayed your true colors while heavily intoxicated yet again.

So, it has been a year.

A year of collapse, just like a supernova into a black hole, which then ejected me into a brand new life. I am not some rising phoenix; I am no myth. I am, however; filled with all the might and strength of a star and I will outshine the darkness of my past.

One year ago to now.
How life has made me grow.